Pick Up Lines
by One-shot.Dump
Summary: Poor Harry has been ditched at the bar... how much will the poor guy have to go through?


**A/N: Don't mind this piece of... I'd almost call it crack...**

Harry was at a bar. He didn't know why.

Well, that was untrue. Ron had decided they should go. Harry was questioning his sanity when he agreed.

Now he was sitting there alone - having been ditched for some girl - and really thinking he should just leave.

"Am I dead, because this must be heaven!" Harry jumped as a voice interrupted his musings.

The person turned out to be a girl with brown hair and eyes. She took Ron's vacant seat and smiled.

"Hello?" he replied cautiously.

"I just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list," she said, wiggling her eyebrows.

Harry choked.

"Are you a parking ticket, because you have 'fine' written all over you."

Harry just stared. Was this girl a little more than nuts?

"Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see."

"Um… no…" Harry muttered.

"Well, my name's Alexis," she said. Harry sagged in relief - was she going to stop the lame one liners now? "And yours must be Pogo, 'cause I just want to jump on your stick."

Harry choked again.

"Sorry about that," she said. "My name really is Alexis. My friend said she'd give me ten pounds per pickup line I used on you."

"I'm Harry," he said.

"Nice to meet you, Harry!" she beamed, sticking out her hand. "Call me Alex. Or Al. Call me Lex and die."

They chatted the rest of the night.

~*~*~

The next Friday had Harry at the same bar. Same table too. Though, he'd been ditched for a different girl.

He really had to be crazy.

"Have I seen you're face before? Right, I remember now, it was in the dictionary below 'drop-dead-sexy!"

Harry turned. He was met with a familiar face. "Al?"

She held up a finger. "Can you help me find my puppy? I think he went into one of the private rooms."

Harry sighed, shaking his head.

"Bad, bad boy! Go to my room!" she laughed.

"So, are you stalking me?" Harry asked.

"Do you want me to be?" she said, waggling her eyebrows.

"I'd rather you not," he sighed.

"Why, got some big, bad secret?"

"Something like that," he muttered.

"Aw…" she muttered. "And I was going to follow you home tonight…"

"What?" Harry yelled.

"I'm joking," she said.

He breathed a sigh of relief.

"… you weren't?" she asked.

Harry hesitated before saying, "Maybe."

Alex whistled. "Tough luck there. Ex-girlfriend?"

"No," he muttered.

"Ex-boyfriend?" Alex waggled her eyebrows.

"No!" he protested. "More of someone out to get me…"

She winced. "Never heard of that one."

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Well, I'll protect you!" she declared. "Can't have my target killed. Who'd I stalk?"

"Not me?" he said hopefully.

"Nope, you're stuck with me so long as this makes me money."

"Damn."

~*~*~

Harry was at the bar. Again. He was seriously contemplating finding a phonebook and looking up a psychiatrist.

"Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?"

Harry sighed.

"Good thing I have my library card because I am checking you out!"

"Hi Alex."

"Is it hot in here, or is it just you?" she giggled.

"Maybe it's the mental disorder we've both been cursed with," Harry muttered.

"Why would you say something like that!" Alex pouted. She paused a moment. "Besides, normal is overrated. And boring."

Harry sighed.

"What's wrong with you?" Alex asked.

"I've been ditched three times by my best friend!" Harry seethed.

Alex cocked her head. "You mean the red-head?"

"Yes…" Harry said suspiciously.

"Oh." Alex laughed nervously. "I kind of, just maybe, bribed some girls into luring him off…"

Harry stared for a moment. "Why?"

"So that I could make money off you?" she said. "It only took a drink."

"Ah…" was all Harry could say to that.

"Speaking of drinks, we're at a bar," she huffed. "Why don't we have any?"

Harry handed her a handful of notes. "Go nuts."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Are you rich or something?"

"Or something," Harry agreed.

"Fine," she said, stalking her way to the bar.

Alex returned with a tray of drinks.

"I couldn't decide, so I picked several," she said in response to Harry's raised eyebrow. She split them out evenly, so that they had one of each.

"What are these?" Harry asked, eyeing the concoctions warily.

"You drink one, I'll tell you," she said.

Harry picked a glace of orange-looking drink and sipped it cautiously.

"Screaming sex with the bartender," Alex said.

Harry spluttered. "What!"

"The drink's name?" she said with a smirk.

Harry rolled his eyes and finished it. He picked another and drank it slowly.

"That one's Sex on a Pool Table," she laughed.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Do they all have to do with sex?"

"Mostly," she admitted with a shrug. "Like that one," she pointed at a glass, "is a Slow Comfortable Screw Up Against The Bedpost Mexican Doggy Style."

Harry stared. "Long name."

"But that one," she pointed at a brown shot, "is a Rabid Pit Bull."

It's safe to say they got fairly drunk that night.

~*~*~

The next week Harry was a little nervous. This Friday, his friends had decided to tag along since it was his birthday. That wasn't why he was nervous. He was nervous because he wondered if Alex would show up, and what would happen.

He was at a different table from his usual, with Hermione on one side, Dean on the other.

"I think you upset someone," Luna commented out of the blue from her spot across from Harry. She was starring behind him.

He turned around to see a pouting Alex.

"And here I though we bonded after the Slow Comfortable Screw," she huffed.

Harry choked. Many of his friends laughed loudly.

"Or maybe it was the Screaming Sex with the Bartender…" she trailed off.

"Oh man, Harry!" Dean laughed. "Didn't know you had it in you!"

"They're drinks!" Harry protested.

"Yeah," Alex said innocently. "What did all you think they were?"

Alex proceeded to steal the empty seat beside Luna. She surveyed the table, before her eyes fell on Hermione.

"Wait…" she drew out. "Aren't your parents my dentists?" she asked. "Dr's Granger, right?"

"Maybe?" Hermione said.

"Yeah!" she said. "You went off to that Scottish boarding school. My cousins go there."

"Who are they?" Harry asked.

"Denis and Colin," she said.

"Wait, Creevy!" Ron yelled.

"Yeah," she shrugged.

Harry paled.

"Don't worry," she said flippantly. "I don't share my cousins' hero-worship or camera obsessions."

"You know about… us?" Harry said quietly.

"Yeah," she said. "Denis spilled after his first letter from Colin."

"So you knew who I was?" Harry spluttered.

"Yeah." She shrugged. "Not a nice thing to be famous for. Besides, you came to a muggle bar. Thought you'd want your anonymity."

Harry didn't think that he was crazy for returning each Friday anymore.

~*~*~

Harry walked into the bar, by now very familiar with it.

"And aren't you a tall drink of water tonight."

And the quirks that came with it.

**A/N: Sorry about the lameness. I just saw Harry on the receiving end of lame pick up lines in my mind and ran with it. Disregard it's lameness. On a side note, all the drinks are real, courtesy of Drinknation(.com).**

**... Don't hurt me for my lameness...**

***cowers***


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